Grounding Exercises for Children

Panic attacks. Meltdowns, Crisis Events-many different names for very similar situations. For the person experiencing it, it can be overwhelming. In my career as a child and adolescent counselor, I’ve worked with several clients who experience panic attacks, frequent meltdowns, or overwhelming suicidal thoughts; and I’ve used grounding exercises to help calm them down and process what is going on. If you experience suicidal thoughts (ideation), it is important to seek professional help.

According to the Child Abuse Council, 55% of people experienced a traumatic event during childhood, and 1 out of every 5 adults had 3 or more traumatic events as a child. According to the National Council of Behavioral Health, 90% of mental health clients have experienced trauma.

When a person is experiencing a crisis, there are three responses:

• Fight
• Flight
• Freeze

For the kids I work with, they fight. They throw things, yell, cuss, and/or anything else that they can think of in the moment to get out of their current situation. As I’ve worked with school administrators on behavior consequences besides OSS, I’ve explained to them that most of my clients want an out-of-school suspension. They are trying to get sent home for a couple of days, because they are trying to escape.

When a child is in crisis, reasoning does not work. They are on sensory overdrive. You need to help them calm down. It’s important to remain calm and be as supportive as possible. Listen to the fears and assess what the need is. Every behavior has a function, even ‘meltdowns,’ so it is crucial to determine the cause of the behavior and what need was being met. 

Grounding Exercises during a Crisis

1. Give them one simple task. For one of my clients, we have a coping book. When he has a meltdown, I give him his book with a pencil and give him instructions on drawing a picture. For example: draw a rainbow, draw grass, flowers, clouds, etc. Once he outlines the picture, I give him crayons and tell him to color in specific parts of the picture. Whenever I notice him calming down, we start talking. For this particular client, his first picture was completed over three different episodes.
2. Use a fuzzball. I got a bag of fuzzballs from the dollar store, and I’ve used them several times this year already. I give the child a little fuzzy and ask them to roll it in their fingers. As they do, I ask them questions about the ball: Is it soft? What does it feel like? What color is it? Etc. When the child has calmed down, I take the fuzzball in my pocket or bag and say “Wow, you were really upset, but now I’ve got all that anger/sadness locked up in my purse/pocket. It’s gone for the day.” Then, we talked about what happened to get them so worked up.
3. Play calming music– soft, soothing music can actually slow your heartbeat.
4. Take a walk– sometimes, just moving and experiencing nature can be calming
5. Deep Breathing– I keep bubbles and pinwheels to help clients deep breathe. If they won’t stop to take a deep breath, I’ll just start blowing bubbles, and they will usually start to focus on them as they float. 
6. Essential Oils– I use a lavender and lemon spray that I spray to encourage my clients to take a deep breath and focus on something else. The mist from the spray helps them focus on something in my room. It quickly grabs their attention without scaring them, and they usually take a deep breath to smell the fragrance. I do NOT spray the child directly. Just where they can see the mist from the spray.
7. Eye Movement Integration– I’ve attended two trainings on EMI, and this is an amazingly simple treatment technique. This technique uses the theory that different eye movements trigger different parts of the brain. When a person is in crisis, you can hold up a pen and ask the person to follow the pen with their eyes. As different parts of the brain are activated, he/she will start to calm down.
8. Engage the senses:

Grounding Exercises with Younger Children

In a young child’s life, meltdowns can be a daily occurrence. For that child, whatever issue he/she is facing is a crisis.

• Start reading a story– With preschool age children, anything can start a crisis event in their world. Most of the time, I ignore the meltdown and start reading a story like Pete the Cat or The Pigeon series (check out my post on integrating stories into counseling). Even when the child calms down and starts listening, I finish the story. When the story is over, I ask “do you want to tell me why you’re upset?” I don’t want to ignore the behavior completely because I want the child to express his/her emotions and learn how he/she can respond the next time.
• Sing a song– Now, I’m no Adele, but young children don’t usually care. Music can be calming or energizing, so I wouldn’t use “if you’re happy and you know it” as a grounding exercise. My favorites are “5 Little Ducks” and “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.” As a group lesson, I’ve used the “Belly Breathe” song by Sesame Street to teach kids deep breathing when their anger monster takes over. I don’t play the video during a meltdown, but I will start singing Colbie Caillat’s part of the song “Belly breathe, got to breathe right through it….” to remind little ones that they can calm themselves down.

• Provide a Hug– I never hug a child in the middle of a meltdown. Because of past trauma, a hug can feel more like a constraint than a comfort. Unless the child is posing physical harm to themselves or others, I speak calmly to the child or use a story/song to calm them down. As the child calms down, I’ll ask if they need a hug.

When the grounding exercises don’t work…

Even though it’s important to recognize the signs of a crisis situation before it happens, you will not always predict a crisis, especially with children that you haven’t worked with very long. Recently, one of my clients hit another student with a book. When he was told that he had to “clip down” on the behavior chart, he completely lost it. Most days, he “clips down” at some point, but this day, he had an unexpected reaction. All he could focus on was getting out of school. He demanded that the school call his mom to come get him. He yelled, cried, threw things, and eventually tried to stab himself with scissors. I spent over an hour trying to calm him with different grounding exercises. I couldn’t get through to him, and it broke my heart.

In the end, the school principal came in the room, spoke calmly, and told him to stop. He refused. The principal then told him what was going to happen for the next 10 minutes, and my client sat down for the first time since the crisis started. I had done the same thing already with no effect, but that is why trauma-informed care is so important. For this child, the anniversary of his father’s death was in two weeks.

For a child who lost his father to cancer less than a year ago, I truly believe that only a calm male voice could have gotten through to my client at that time. I know that now in case of another crisis. If I beat myself up over being unable to calm down my client, it isn’t productive for me or my client, but identifying a support for my client (even when it is not me) is crucial in providing trauma-informed care.